Change

                I never considered myself at stay at home mom.  I never considered myself a working mom.  For the last two years, I have been in this limbo where I was beyond fortunate to spend every day with you, while working for MiMi at her home daycare.  I had somewhere to be Monday through Friday by 8:15(ish) and could not make plans until after 5:30 when the last daycare kiddo was picked up.  That and a paycheck every week made me a working mom, right?  Then how am I struggling so bad with the reality that this is my final week of this routine I have become so fond of?
                Am I being selfish?  Is it wrong for me to want to pursue my passion?  It took so many years for me to finally figure out that I would love teaching.  Is it wrong that I continue on that career path if it means having to kiss you goodbye every morning at 7:15?  I guess this is where I am supposed to say I am doing this all for you.  And a big part of me is.  I want to be able to help provide for you and give you the things you need/want (within reason).  But, see if you can follow me on this, I am also doing this for me – which is for you, too.  Someday (far, FAR down the road) you will be in my shoes.  You will be at a crossroads deciding if you will be a stay at home mom or a working mom.  As with many things in life once you are a wife and a mother, you will have to take many factors into consideration aside from just your wants – Is it financially feasible for you to stay home?  Have you found a daycare provider you are comfortable with?  Will your job be flexible when you have a sick kid?  Ideally you will sit down with your husband and weigh the pros and cons and you will come to a decision you are both comfortable and happy with.  My hope is that you make sure your passions are a priority when you make this decision.
                Being a working mother does not make you selfish.  Having a child does not make you this one dimensional mother figure whose only interests suddenly become changing diapers and making sure her child hits every milestone on time.  You’re still a person who yearns for self worth.  And maybe you’ll find that self worth in making creative treat bags for your children to take to school.  Maybe you’ll find it in having all the laundry done and supper ready by 5:30 every night.  Or maybe you’ll find that self worth in helping children you did not know until the first day of school.  Maybe that self worth is in those texts as you pursue a higher degree.  The possibilities are endless and (for the most part) there is no right or wrong choice.
                Since working with your Mimi, I have seen lots of moms drop their kids off on their first day back to work.  I have seen the tears but I have never understood them until now.  I am terrified I took these last two years with you for granted.  There were times during our stand offs (you are SO stubborn – I blame your father) that I actually prayed for this day to come.  Now here it is and this lump in my throat won’t go away.
                I am so excited, Isabella Michelle.  I know I can do this, and be good at it.  I know that my attitude going into this school year is exactly how I would want your future teachers to enter a classroom.  But oh sweet girl, I am going to miss you.  Getting to spend the first two years of your life with you has been absolutely priceless and I hope that has laid the foundation for a lifelong bond that can withstand the test of your teenage years.
                Before this school year starts, I want to make some promises to you.  I promise to put down my phone when we are together.  Our time together is going to become more valuable than ever and I want to be present for every second.  I promise to kiss you goodnight, every night.  I might not make it home in time to do this before you’re asleep but I promise I will not go to bed without kissing your chubby little cheek first.  I promise that when I feel overwhelmed or like I am being pulled in a million directions, you and your dad will always be my north.

I love you, baby girl.

Momma

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